When you have been through a rough season of marriage or even just a rough few days, it can be hard to reconnect with your spouse. Sometimes Aaron and I have been in funky places in marriage and needed to reconnect together. When we first married, sometimes we went for weeks without spending any quality time together. We have now found some great ways to reconnect when we hit a rough moment. I hope you enjoy these 10 ways to reconnect with your spouse.
1. Make time for each other
To reconnect, you have to be intentional about making time for each other. For Aaron and I, it's Tuesday nights. We try our best not to plan anything on Tuesday nights so that we can spend time together. Whether you have kids, fur babies, or just each other, it is crucial to set aside time for just you and your husband. This could require staying up late, or getting up early. I often stay up so Aaron and I can have some quality conversation before bed. I promise you it's a sacrifice worthwhile.
2. Play Games Together
Some of the most enjoyable moments that Aaron and I have are over board games. We love to play them with others, but also with each other. We grab a deck of cards and sit down to go head to head. This is a light-hearted affair so we don’t get too competitive. We just live in the moment, having fun with each other.
3. Laugh together
This is one of the best things that you can do to reconnect with your spouse. Laughter releases stress and can help you to immediately get over your hangups and get back into the groove of things. Aaron and I love to watch fail videos on youtube. It creates so much laughter and happiness that we can’t help but feel better after watching a few dozen videos.
4. Make Time for Physical Intimacy
In the same way that you need to spend time with each other, you need to also be physically intimate with each other. This doesn’t necessarily mean sex. It can be laying in each other's arms, massages, or anything else that will help you to create physical intimacy with each other. Physical intimacy is great because its such a tangible way to connect with your spouse.
5. Dream Together
I often ask Aaron what kind of house he wants to buy, or if he could live anywhere in the world where would he choose. Dreaming together is so nice because it allows you to see your spouse’s imagination. Even if the dream seems impossible, it allows you to know even more about the heart of your spouse. You never know how you can make that dream come true or what your future will hold. When Aaron and I married, I would never have dreamed I would spend 2 years living in Korea. It seemed impossible, but yet here we are.
6. Talk about the Lord
When we take our focus off of God, we put it on the world. Talking about God strengthens your spirit and weakens your flesh. It allows you to connect faster because you are feeding your spirit, gaining more patience, giving more grace, and having more joy. Read the word together, watch a sermon, or sing worship songs. There are so many ways to talk about the Lord together!
7. Dance Together
This is an awesome way to create intimacy. Throw on some music and get really close and just dance. Be in each other’s arms. Think about how much you love him. Let him sweep you off your feet. Even if he has 2 left feet!
Whenever I feel distant from Aaron, I hug him. Whenever we argue and I can’t get over it, he hugs me. Not a quick hug, but a long tight hug. Just being physically connected helps to melt away the hang-ups that may exist. It causes us to reconnect and refocus.
Choose to compliment your spouse on things that you take for granted. Let him know how much you appreciate the big and small things. Leave him notes in the bathroom mirror, dedicate a social media post to him, or bake him cookies. Go out of your way to show him just how much you appreciate what he does for your family.
This last one may seem obvious, but its so easy to skip over. If you have been in a place where you didn’t talk much because of hurt or anger, sometimes it can be difficult to start talking again. Try to go for a walk, or watch some clips on the internet and discuss them. I like to look at bored panda with my husband and talk about all of the crazy things we see there. This is especially important if you happen to be in a marriage where your husband likes to talk more than you do. Decide that you won't to go to bed until you have a quality conversation with your husband that goes beyond, "How was your day."
I hope these 10 ways to reconnect are helpful to you as you seek more ways to invest in your marriage. When we choose not reconnect, we are creating a space for the enemy to come into our marriage and do his work. If you are finding it difficult to forgive, ask God to help you. Think about why you married your spouse and what you want your marriage to look like. Seek peace with him and find ways to get back on track. You can do it. You are not alone!
Want to reconnect more? Check out these 8 amazing date night ideas.